Never the Same

You never did say much
During any of the holidays
Grunting at everything we touched
Disapproving looks  at all we would say
Sometimes you’d argue with us
Before retreating away
Because we would cuss
And nobody made you stay
But without you
The holidays seem so hollow
I never knew
That you were this family’s glue
I didn’t think anything
Could extinguish your flame
But cancer clipped your wings
And now things will never be the same

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I Dont Know How to Say No (Interactive Poetry)

My friend Cassidy from the Outpourings of My Heart gave me some words for my interactive poetry. Her words for me were (No, Comments, Yet) I think she was a little lazy with her word choice but thats okay I forgive her. Heres what I came up with

I Dont Know How to Say No

I dont know how to say no
When people ask me for advice
I cant just say I dont know
Im too damn nice
Because I always have time
For those who I consider friends
But for me they’re silent as mimes
If I need help they dont even pretend
Theres no one around to comment
To even act like they care
Though Im always there for them to vent
These are one sided affairs
I know all this and yet
I just cant say no
I invest far too much to just let
People go

Interactive Poetry!

Hey everyone sorry for not being as active as I promised I would be. I have been sleepy and exhausted. SO heres how it works. You give me 3-4 words (related or not it doesnt matter) in the comments. I will then incorporate them into a poem. And if you would like I will give you some words of my own for you to do with as you would like.

So leave a comment below and lets get started.

(If I didnt get to your words last time im sorry. Please post them again and I will get them this time.)

Interactive Poetry Week Something

Hey everyone! Sorry I’ve been so not here still. Work is more tiring than I envisioned. But I think I am starting to get a handle on it. So as is the usual I am asking you for 3-4 random or related words which I will then incorporate into a poem. And if you want I can give you 3-4 words of my own choosing for you to work with. So leave a comment with the words you want me to use below and lets get started!

Stolen Mannequins (Interactive Poetry)

The challenges never cease! This time from @GahBr0wnTZ on twitter! Their words for me were (Paraphernalia, Shenanigans, Reconnoiter, Discombobulated) but I think I managed to pull it off! Let me know below!

Stolen Mannequins

I’ve been dispatched
To check out some shenanigans
I must find and catch
Who stole all the mannequins
I need to reconnoiter the area
There was a big robbery
Before theres any hysteria
But I couldnt get to the property
They’re necessary paraphernalia
How else can we display our fashion
These are special their the regalia
They’re our queens secret passion
But honestly im discombobulated
They seem to have just vanished
And from such a populated
Area, how did the culrpit manage
To steal our queens prize
I’ll have to report back
See the disappointment in her eyes
But when I enter into her halls
I see the stolen mannequins
I guess thats the curtain call
Because our culprit has a silly grin

Interactive Poetry Week 12

Here we go again everybody! Same rules as last week! Give me 3-4 random words and I shall incorporate them into a poem. And if you are interested in getting in on this I will give you 3-4 words of my own choosing. So leave a comment with your words and lets get started!

Unexpected Hate (Interactive Poetry)

My friend Cassidy over at The Outpourings of my Heart wanted to participate in my interactive poetry this week! Her words for me were (Forever, Hate Love) and heres what I came up with!

Unexpected Hate

Swept up in your lies
I thought this would be forever
You’d be here when I die
We’d end this endeavor together
But you didn’t value me
Like I valued you
You had me watch and see
As you sent everything askew
I thought that this was love
It was love for me
But I wasn’t what you dreamed of
I couldn’t be
The person you wanted
I never thought I could hate
Never thought I’d be haunted
By the woman I used to date

Laugh (Interactive Poetry)

Awesome writer over at The Outpourings of My Heart gave me some more words for my interactive poetry which I am late in writing but better late than never! Her words for me were (Whitening, Jokester, Building, Launchpad) heres what I came up with.

Laughter (I couldn’t think of a better title sorry)

Have you seen the building
With the launchpad
Atop its highest ceiling
I wish I had
The chance to see
Those rockets take off
And fly so free
While I cough
At the smoke
That is whitening
The sky and making me choke
It’s almost frightening
This technology
That can take us into space
And the wonders of astrology
We move at such a fast pace
Thank the ones who make us smile
The comedians and jokesters
Without them life would just be a trial
And everyday the end would just get closer

Trust Issues

Learning to trust is one of life’s most difficult tasks. -Isaac Watts

I would say that, to some degree, everybody has issues with trust; With opening themselves to another human being completely. This is because inside, we are all afraid of being hurt, and having that trust we gave out betrayed. I regret to say that I don’t really have a positive spin to what I’m going to write today. This is more for me to rant and get some of this hurt I’m feeling out there. If what I write today helps someone, I’m glad. With all that said, let me dive right into things.

I don’t trust easily. I don’t open myself up to others, because I am afraid of being hurt. But that’s not to say that I’ve never opened myself up to anyone, because I have. I haven’t done it with many people, only two I can think of. Of these two people, one of them is someone who I can say, with as close to being 100% certain as is humanly possible, wouldn’t betray me. But then again, I guess I would have said the same thing about the other person and that didn’t really work out in my favor. I guess there is a reason trust is normally built up over a long period of time, because this other person and I hit things off really quickly, becoming fast friends. This may be because of the close proximity which our majors put us, but whatever it was, we became good friends. There may have been more to it – more to our feelings than just friendship, but that was never outwardly expressed. Just something that may have been under the surface. But I cared about this person, because I care about my friends. Regardless of whether or not I have feelings beyond friendship for them. I care about all of my friends. If I call you a friend that means something to me – I invest a lot of myself into friendships, because that’s just who I am. I will always be there for my friends, no matter what. When they won’t do the same for me – god that hurts. It hurts so fucking much. That’s just a normal friendship, not one where I have opened myself up to someone. Because I guess part of me had an expectation that if I opened myself up to someone, they wouldn’t hurt me. But I guess I was wrong.

 “When you care about someone, you can’t just turn that off because you learn they betrayed you.” ― Paula Stokes

I guess she just never cared about me. I feel I should pause for a moment and mention the fact that this person has a significant other. This is why those feelings I mentioned earlier were never expressed. But back to things: I just have a hard time understanding, I guess, how you can let someone open up to you if you don’t care about them, and if you don’t have any intention of sticking around. I think that’s wrong and irresponsible. Trust is a fucking valuable thing. It represents a person’s vulnerability, it represents how much they respect and value you, and it represents their belief in you. Their belief that you would never hurt them. Trust isn’t restricted to romantic relationships, either. That’s not why I’m upset. What upsets me is how they’re behaving towards me now. You see, I noticed how she began to act weird around me come finals time last semester, but I thought it was just the stress of exams. When it continued into the next semester, I went to talk to her. She said she needed space, she said she didn’t really get what was happening last semester, but that she just needed space. Which is fine, I can respect that. And I have. I have given them their space. But there is a difference between wanting space and avoiding someone completely which is what has been happening. They have been avoiding me completely. And god that fucking hurts – they won’t even talk to me anymore. I don’t understand how someone can do that. Because this trust wasn’t one sided, either, they trusted me too. I would never do anything to betray someone’s trust.  So how can they just walk away? I don’t get it.

 Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks. -Waqar Ahmed

My example may seem childish to some of you, and I would argue that it isn’t. Because the value of trust doesn’t change, neither with age, nor experience. It changes on an individual basis, and to me, I don’t have anything more valuable to give someone than my trust and my friendship. All I want is my friend back, but that’s not going to happen. I have to come to terms with that. It fucking sucks, but I can’t do anything to change it.

One last quote to end things

A true friend is someone who is there for you when they’d rather be anywhere else. – Len Wein